dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
