conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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