he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
