This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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