I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do vagina's smell?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We are all done wearing pants today
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
