i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
