At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
