News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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