I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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