i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
