But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
