I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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