I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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