So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
