seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
