There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
