Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
