We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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