Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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