im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
