Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
