Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
