i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
