Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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