I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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