I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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