The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
