I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
