They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
