You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
