We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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