I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
