peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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