Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
