it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
