I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
