No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They are going to name an STD after you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
