I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
