you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
