haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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