her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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