We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
