So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
