'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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