Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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