There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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