"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
