i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
