The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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