I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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