my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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